Hillsborough
Sheffield
S6 2LL
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It is perhaps a little unfair to include all these pictures in this section because some of them were probably done on a DIY basis and therefore they maybe “bodges” but they are not (technically speaking) “Cowboy Installs”. Whilst some are hilarious (to those in the trade particularly) it is more positive to regard them as a chance to learn, this is how not to do it !
An educational tool then, that and to take the piss, obviously.......
Other pictures which could be used on this page (but are in also utilised in other sections
of the site) include the following :
Under Specified Pole..... Multi Feed Carbuncle Bodgers` Space Saving Splitter
Worn Downlead Coffee & Cream Bertie`s Bang Bang Bracket
All pictures Justin Smith (ATV) Also see Bill Wrights Rogues Gallery
afford a hacksaw....
I`m a pretty charitable sort and if this particular installer rings us up we will send him a
hacksaw (well OK, just a spare blade.....) free of charge !
(Also see Cranky Satellite Install and Hacksawitus)
Good Lord, even my wife knows that six inches is not always big enough, and she`s never installed an aerial in her life !
Also note the ungalvanised rusty finish.
However on meeting the house owner he revealed that he was in fact the chairman of the RSPCA, that`s the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Aerials.
He had cleverly worked out that by placing the antenna in this position it would be kept sheltered and warmed by the heat from the chimney !
Fair play to him, you can`t argue
with logic like that.
In fact I actually began wondering if we could get a higher price for any installs we did for members of his charity if we were to wrap them in blankets, but then I woke up.......
Obviously the reason that this installation
is tilted over to the East must be due to the chap hearing that Emley Moor had fallen over and had thus become diagonally polarised. However it`s quite plain to me that no one has told him that the
transmitter has now been rebuilt and has
therefore reverted to horizontal polarisation.
Surely the above explanation is correct, I mean no one would really skew their whole install over just so they could get another screw in the fascia board.
Or would they.......
It`s like the Amazon up there, I don`t know about you but I can`t even tell where one antenna ends and the next one starts !
What`s more the wind loading on that relatively small chimney looks distinctly worrying.
It`s all so unnecessary, may I suggest investment in an amp/splitter and a diplexer ?
Remember, aerials are not like trees, they do not absorb Carbon Dioxide !
the reflector. The whole tuning of the aerial must have been affected and whilst the thing may still work (if it`s in a strong signal area) the fact is that the multi element design is completely wasted. Just a dipole would have worked as well and possibly even better !
Whenever you install an aerial (including more than one aerial on the same pole) the single most important factor is that nothing* is placed
in line between the reflector, the dipole and the elements of the aerial, or indeed the path to the actual transmitter !
* This include`s the aerials own mounting cradle, as shown in the picture below. We were
amazed at the fall off in signal which occurred,
on our Belmont aerial, when we mounted the cradle incorrectly (i.e. parallel) with the directors, like this one, see our test of this bodge.
In the case of multiple aerials on same mast,
if they are of differing polarities they can usually
be mounted within 6 inches of each other, or even less. In fact when we tested a horizontal
TV aerial, with a vertical pole actually through
its elements, there was no detectable fall off in signal....... Not that I`m advocating it, unless
it`s absolutely necessary !
On the other hand if the aerials are of the same polarity, I`d try and separate them by two or
three foot, just to be on the safe side.
in fitting a H/D 9x9 bracket and then only using 3 (or even 2...) wall screws. On a 4 ft pole a
6x9 wall bracket with 4 screws would be just
as strong and look better as well.
When I stumbled upon this install I was in a quandry
as to what I was looking at.
Was it simply a case of “Hacksawitus” * ?
Or was it something far more sinister .........
I couldn`t help but feel an involuntary shiver of unease rise up my spine. Could this actually be a malevolent sign to worshippers of the occult that a kindred spirit lurked within these foreboding walls ? Would the Devil himself (or, failing that, Rupert Murdoch) be welcomed through this portal to a malignant hinterland.......
We will probably never know.................................
..................please don`t have nightmares.............
* Hacksawitus = A rare and, so far, untreatable condition, literally translated as “fear of the hacksaw”.
The latest medical opinion is that gene therapy provides the best hope of a cure. This is quite appropriate as it involves cutting. The severed lengths of DNA would
then manipulated into a different order to effect a cure.
When I first saw this installation I thought it was one of the worst I`d ever seen.
The aerial`s cradle is fitted in a way I never even thought possible and the cranked pole is fitted upside down and therefore not even fulfilling it`s major justification for existence,
i.e. to clear an overhead obstruction, like the one on the left.
But then the penny dropped and I realised that this was just another example of a little knowledge being a dangerous thing.
Clearly the chap had read somewhere that the closer you are to the transmitter the
stronger the signal is. Thus he`d decided to use the cradle in this imaginative fashion in order to move the aerial just that bit nearer to Emley Moor. The result is that the aerial is now situated just 13 miles 1759 yards from the transmitter rather than the full 14 miles.
I`m sure you`ll agree that is ample justification for the fact that every aerial installer who drives past nearly crashes their vehicle due to the tears of laughter temporarily affecting
their vision.........
I`ve heard that some people are predicting the convergence of Television and Telecoms but surely this is ridiculous. I accept that the telephone cable is actually contributing to the chaps television (by preventing the install tipping over even more....) but does that really count as the merging of the two industries in quite the manner anticipated ?
This install really is an “Argos Special” isn`t it ? Note the mounting hardware which we
do actually sell (to be fair our`s are probably better quality than this one...) but would only recommend for a loft mounted antenna, and the above picture vividly illustrates why.
The chap could of invested in some wall clips and if he was feeling really flush maybe even some decent insulation tape to secure the cable to the pole, but the absolute crowning magnificence of this install is the fact the “element bays” haven`t even been folded into
their upright positions ! That said, this type of aerial is one of the many ”Bacofoil” type X Beams and maybe the bloke who put it up realised that when he accidentally breathed
on an element, and it bent. Thus he thought (quite rightly) that keeping the thing folded up would keep it`s wind loading to a minimum, though that would only apply before it rotated
to diagonal polarity.......
Oh, I only realised after I`d already put this on the website, the wall fixings are in the mortar as opposed to the brick where they should be. I`m sure if one spent long enough studying these pictures one could find yet more faults but at least it isn`t one of those “Gold” aerials.
They look so bad. Kitsch on your aerial pole.....
Ehhh......... ! ! !
Sometimes, mere words are totally inadequate.
I can understand why someone would not want an ugly satellite dish on front of his
(or her) house but don`t they realise that putting it on a tree outside -
Seriously though, I appreciate that if there are trees around one may have to use ingenuity to find a clear view of the satellite or (to a lesser extent) TV transmitter. But surely the installer could have cut off the bottom of the cranked pole ! Could he suffer from the dreaded Hacksawitus ? Unless of course it`s been deliberately left there to make realigning of the dish easier, or some equally bizarre reason.
Whilst we`re at it, do black cable ties go with white cable (remember this is outside the
front of some ones house don`t forget) and couldn`t they have used galvanised T & Ks ?
This is the roof of a pub just North of London. I don`t know who installed these cables but they`ve obviously never heard of wind, or friction,
or sandpaper, or indeed of
the concept of “neatness”.
Shall we start a sweepstake on which cable will wear through first and start leaking rain water into the TV ?
I`m going for the one on the left, but who knows ?
I did wonder if this pub was called “The Drapers Inn”,
and maybe the installer had been drinking an excess of
“Cabling Black Label”........
(Last joke courtesy of Pat,
one of his better ones......)
This install is a disaster area. The directors are incorrectly polarised for the reflector and the dipole. Incredibly the latter is mounted behind
the reflector, and it`s also upside down, which will not affect its performance but (on this
model of aerial) will enable it to fill with water.
Oh and it`s not even pointing at the transmitter (Emley Moor), it`s about 30 degrees out.......
What is so infuriating is that, because Emley
is only about 6 miles away, straight across the valley, he`s probably getting a bleedin` perfect picture anyway !
It`s so upsetting because one can frequently do everything “by the book”, with top
quality materials, but due to the site being in a bad area, or even worse an ‘RF dead spot’, one can still end up with a poor picture......
Yet again it`s down to “Line Of Sight”, and RF being a Black Art, not a science.
But try telling that to a customer when his mate down the road “get`s a perfect picture”....
This is Conway, one of my favourite towns, which just happens to also be the location of
one of my favourite castles. The question is, what`s wrong with the aerial installation on
the right ? (there`s a clue in the close up of the aerial below left)
Conway transmitter (right) is
a 2kW, B group, vertically polarised repeater off Llanddona.
It helps alleviate reception problems around the head of the Conway estuary.
Six inches isn`t enough in Settle and it isn`t enough in Sheffield either, as the picture on the left vividly illustrates.
Note that “Albert the Aerial Installer” (aka Bertie the Bodger) has also used the
cheapest pressed bracket, the cheapest
steel pole, a cheap RX aerial, and he`s even reused the old “Low Loss” Co-
What I really love about this picture is
“Stuart the Startled Starling” who is looking distinctly worried about the integrity of the install, as it leans precariously towards him....
I`ve called this “Can`t afford a T” because the installer has only used the “K” component of a “T & K” bracket ! The latter should come in a pair and be used as in the picture on the right (except they shouldn`t because in that particular install the aerial is pointing back through the roof....), so if there is any wind at all I`d be amazed if the dish continues to work. Also note the ungalvanised finish on the bracket, the spiders web cabling and the crowning glory of the install, the packing piece wedged into the bottom of the “K” in a futile attempt to make the thing sufficiently solid......
Is it a “leaf grille” or is it an aerial installation ?
Who knows ? Who cares ? We do !
STOP PRESS
Ever since the dawn of time
(well OK, the invention of RF transmission) aerial men have been striving to perfect an installation which can overcome
gravity and the wind`s natural tendency to pull it down.
This picture proves that a
defining point in aerial
installation development
has at last been reached.
Ladies and Gentlemen,
I give you the first picture (exclusive to aerialsandtv.com)
of
“The Self Righting Aerial”
No matter how great the pull of Mother Earth (in the form of gravity), or how hard the wind blows, this aerial pole will always return to the vertical.
Truly An Historic Moment....
The more prosaic (and cynical) explanation is that someone has used an Argos installation kit * (bodge one), then mounted it on a fascia (bodge two).
Which do you think is the correct explanation ? Text your answer to :
iveneversentatextinmylifeanddontintendtostartnow.com
* Technically known as a Loft Kit
Two things about the above install intrigue me :
1 This is a B group aerial (albeit an “el cheapo” Contract) and generally speaking Joe Public
doesn`t easily have access to them. Thus it could be that a “professional” installer (and I
use the inverted commas advisedly....) put up this abomination.
2 Careful examination of the picture will reveal the “arc” worn into the brickwork as
the installation is blown to and fro. How long would you put up with a scraping noise
emanating from the side of your house whenever the wind blew ?
A Five seconds B Five minutes C Five hours D Five years.........
The final fascinating fact about this install is that the chap`s probably still getting a perfect picture.... Why ? Well the “Self Righting Aerial” is, apparently, “Self Aligning” as well,
because it`s still pointing more or less straight at the transmitter !
The picture below was taken from just up the hill and it will be noted that Saddleworth TX can actually be seen, it`s on the hill, middle distance right of centre. The other TX, on the
left in the background, is Holme Moss. The site of the latter really is the highest in the country. It`s sited in Yorkshire (just), yet can be seen from both sides of the Pennines.
